Yesterday was the anniversery of Lee’s demise. It’s been 32 years and it still affects me, though more these days in a nostalgic way. The melancholy doesn’t hit as hard as it used to. Humans pass out of this world all the time, I am aware, as is pretty much everyone since an early age. I just scribed a rhetorical statement. Though what a rhetorical statement might be is any human’s guess besides my own. Technically it would be a statment that requires no “reply”, or perhaps requires no comment or followup. What I meant was in the vernacular of so-called “dichos” that Lee used to use, although he, as well, knew that his usage was not technically correct. He meant a statement that needn’t be uttered in the first place. I’ll keep his usage for nostalgic and not so melancholic reasons. Also, Lee recognized that “dichos” are simply shortcuts. They are sloppy thinking. Instead of thinking deeply about a matter, one can spout a platitude and be done with it. Communication via “dichos” is an immediate sign that those communicating tak are to be evermore avoided like a plague rat or a frat boy (same thing, really).
So what did I do to “celebrate” his demise? Well, I broke my diet for a meal by going for Thai food with Ivanečka at the spiffy resaurant Noi near Ujezd. The food was exquisite but I think we were the only Czech people there apart from the serving wenches. I had my eternal favourite, Tom Kha Kai and a ground chicken speciality that reminded me of something similar I had with Jeremy in April at another particularly good Thai restaurant in Orlando. Also of note is that at said place with Jeremy, it seemed like we were also the only Czech people there.
I did not bring Lee up during, before or after our dinner, but Ivanečka was obviously worried about my state of mind a bit during the whole of the day. It is still bizarre to have someone with me that actually thinks and cares about my mood, mental and physically health in a selfless manner. I probably don’t deserve it, but as we all know, the universe has no ethical, moral or value system. We exist and live our lives. There is no deserve. Deserve is a human construct created to maintain a hierarchical structure in society. It’s a control mechanism, as has been all moralistic “reasoning” since the beginning of time. Unfortunately, the need for so many people to find exterior meaning in life (as opposed to creating meaning for oneself) obscures the path to contentment.
Of course, I did think of the music I should be creating that is associated with Lee. His “album”, as it were. It will be a gradual process, as I’ve only sketches to two pieces so far: the first and the last. After I finish the new Dobbs, the Alfred IV “tribute” and the thing that has the working title Dissolving Pool, I’ll get back on track working on one album at a time until it is finished. My personal experiment working on three or four at the same time is far less satisfying - it brings much less contentment.
Though this is certainly a fragmented entry into Martenblog, perhaps it will encourage me to get back on track concerning writing. It creates quite a sensation of contentment. For me, life is about looking and moving forward and being content doing so. Gone are the old ways of suffering to gain more creative ground. Perhaps that worked in my twenties and even perhaps in my thirties, but as I look back on those times (something I really have no business doing as it contradicts what I just stated that life is about), they seem like vast wastelands. Revisiting the past has very little merit.
