I sit alone in the huge room of the ground floor of the guest house in *Viidu*. I drove Kairi to the bus station in Kuressaare where she departed at 8.20. I did not wait for her to depart. She took her backpack and bag, told me *it was fun for me* and walked away. I drove first to fill up the vacant truck with diesel then *tagasi Viidusse*. We attempted to guess each others' ages during the drive. She estimated 33 for me. I, 25 for her. Apparently, we are both older that the guesses, but we did not state o...
Kairi is at the table to my left. The wooden *dinner* table of this guest house in *Viidu*. She re-entered the room perhaps forty minutes ago and we have not spoken a single word to each other in that time. Nothing is particularly wrong, however. I categorize us as *friends* at this point and if friends wish to be silent and self-absorbed, they should be allowed to be. One great problem I faced in the past with relationships is not being able to give the other person space to do their own things - to be se...
Yesterday, my thoughts did not have enough granularity. That is, the granularity was too low. Their incipient relations were clipped at their collective buds. They grew singularly and apart from one another. Lack of concentration and stumbling thinking which accompanies it results in this lumpiness. *Separate lumpiness*. The thoughts take on egos of their own, becoming much like humans in regarding themselves as unique and free-standing individuals. Given time, one of these thoughts would reign over all ot...
I have found that when I consume too much and my tummy is overly satiated, I become depressed. Though I know this to be true, I continue to exhibit this tendency. I find it a habit overseeing other habits to let the subordinate habits run wild even though I intellectually know they will make me feel unhappy (or alternately replace with another negative emotion). So, I informed Kairi, as she was coming back down to the expansive ground floor of the guest house in Viidu (our temporary home) that I was feelin...
The subject question is a touch of the realism I experienced today after feeling a emotional push that I don't get very often these years. Kairi and I were in *Selver* in *Kuressaare*, purchasing a few things for our lunch. This event itself (lunch) did not occur for several hours. This **push** came when I saw her randomly in the shop after we split upon entrance to find our separate comestibles. She smiled when we bumped into each other and my stomach dipped. I did and did not like the feeling, but defin...
Whilst riding a bicycle today from *Viidu* to *Kihelkonna* and **back**, I glanced time and again at the simple, three gear shifting mechanism on the right handle bar, trying to shake a pricking notion from my head. It finally came to me exactly what the bothersome twinge was. It was *Brynn*. After fourteen years, the cunt's shenanigans still throb in my subconscious. Her refusal of technology was mind-numbing. It was unfathomable to anyone who didn't personally encounter her. They sound like a ludicrous a...
I am in *Saaremaa*, but that is not what I am going to write about today. Or perhaps I shall later today, but not now. The initial subject is my parents. I have probably written about this previously. I am certain the stabs of insecurity and doubt which riddle me out of the blue time and time again each day are residual growing pains. The Christian life brings a boy up to feel guilty if he feels good. I'm struck by how American this actually is. And how the perception thereof is anything but American. Thos...
My plan is to give her oral sex. Until she comes, of course. I think I'll listen to that song right now. What have I reduced myself to, anyway? Fulnek. ...
Again, at Fort Sockton High School. Javier Hernandez (why do I remember his name?) was talking to his friend (Probably Miguel) about this song. And it was within ear-reach of me. He just said that *Monsters* is a cool song. Or something similar. I had made him a tape of songs I enjoyed. I did curb things on the tape towards *metal*, so this was on it. But is this song metal? What is metal? I recall that *26000 Days* by the Moody Blues was on the tape, as well. This album came a bit late into my conscious...
Sam and I were sitting in Pizza Hut (in Fort Stockton, Texas, of course -- our mecca). I had taken David's jambox and set it on the window sill. *Spectres* was in the tape deck. This song was playing. He listened intently. Sam was definitely good at that. His comment was that it did not create the mood it was attempting to create well enough. I'll listen to it again now and give my opinion. Initally, the guitar does, for sure. Loneliness. Solitude. Lee also loved this song very much. There was a compilati...
The telephone in my room in Fort Stockton was, like Facebook or Twitter or LiveJournal or whatever, my connection, however vague and arrogant, to the outside world. I'd call people and force them to listen to *Blue Öyster Cult* songs over the line. The quality was amazing, as you might imagine. The one victim which was the most pitiful was Sharon Weber. I made her listen to this very song attemping to convince her that BÖC were contemporary enough to be poppy. Well, yeah, this song is a bit poppy. I'm not ...
