Flavigula.net - Martenblog

I cut my eye on the diamonds in your draperies, dear


What would mother say if I joined a monastery? Father would be peeved. Escape from the toils reeking of penitence into routinized bliss. What a grey future I see. But I have said that hundreds of times and Sweet Entropy has come to the rescue. I await her again. ...

Revisiting the Govno Dog


I cannot believe the govno people write in this forum. bleh. Tony replies: Someone has to. ...

Red ink / Dander in my dreams


I think today is February 3. I will never send this letter to Dana. It would be abortive - futile venture. In another key, another motif, the advantage to being alone is that I can stay out as late as I wish, get as drunk as I want, etc, and there is no one at home waiting to complain. If the reader now makes the assumption that I AM alone, he / she would be incorrect. There days ago, or ...

A letter to Creature


There I am on a train again, spinning away from you. The pain is intense, maybe akin to what you feel – distraught, lost. I have made a number of relatively terrible mistakes in my life, but I must admit that leaving you has to be the worst. Now I expect you’ll change your phone number, your emails, perhaps even your name to cut me from your life. I wonder if you can forgive this stupidity of mine. I reread ...

The curling tendrils from your unshaven nostrils


Displacement is unforgiveable. All I can think about is the distance from my love, the lies I tell to make my isolation greater, and a growing emptiness engulfing me. If I lose Vesna, which is a possibility, I think I’ll become a hermit. She told me herself that she feels she could never love again – ie, if we split up, she could never be with anyone else. She feels like loving solitude, much like me. This similarity, along with ...

I still have the power to accept defeat


Neglectful Bob, it seems. Much time has passed ’tween the last and this entry in my journal. I am at Cafefour in Prague: that place next to the dreaded Pivrnec near Náměstí Republiky and a former place of employment dubbed EIN. (Cafefour) Earnest Intellectual Naivete. Two kurvy have seated themselves facing me, babbling in Czech, still a foreign language despite my understanding. This place (Praha) is not home, NOR, it seems, was it ever. This feeling of displacement hovers intrudingly ...

Always on the Fringes


Sad Saturday afternoon in Prague. Fifth cigarette to irritate my aching throat. Everyone is leaving. I am alone in this huge flat. I can hear the echoes of my footsteps for hours. Or maybe it is the throbbing if my pained head. I’ll light another one and watch the hours pass silently. I feel just like it is 1991, alone with my thoughts in the apartment I shared with John, trying to pen some inane poem to rot in a ...

Your consistency is for the weak


The good news is that Dana and I are communicating again like good creatures should. The bad news is that I have Vesna here, also communicating well, happy and semi-satisfied. She said a few very poignant things last night with which I agree wholeheartedly. She said I should love her not because she is good for me, but because she is great. What she means is that I should love her for who she is, not what she does. Dana ...

Kde je Kapija?


Tuzla, Bosnia with Vesna. My right contact is irritating me. One moment. It is still irritating me, but I refuse to let its petty annoyance balk another few paragraphs of deft, incisive wit. See what I get after finishing A Confederacy of Dunces? Back to the matter at hand: Tuzla and Vesna. I was just informed by her, poking only the upper one fifth of her naked body out of the cracked bathroom door, thaht the icy water of the ...

Not Because She Dislikes Me


Time to try to fill this rectangle of white again. Present fills the air with sweet, ordered madness. Tomorrow brings yet another unknown: Vesna and Bosnia. To those avid readers who do not know, Vesna is a Bosnian girl that I “met” during my stint at 12Snap in Muenchen. She is now nervously chatting with me on ICQ, feeling uncertain about her decision to accompany me to Tuzla, Bosnia - her home town. It is not because she dislikes me ...

Jeníček is a Smelly Peasant


18.07 Astronomy. It is 6pm and the day is only beginning. My goal is to complete Work Song tonight. After thedismal experience a few days ago mixing and obliteratingthe bass part, I have redone the whole thing. The guitar parts and vocals remain now. This version is superior, methinks, so the mixing disaster was not necessarily such a horrific thing. Maybe it was Satan’s way of telling me that the old version sucked. Adri called from London and it was ...