Mango Salsa
A favourite in several infinities of quantum universes
- 1 mango, stolen from the tree your clairvoyant neighbour planted in her youth, diced into pieces of exactly seven cubic millimeters
- The juice of 2 limes, kept in a cloudy glass receptacle and agitated three times a day until you feel an otherworldly spirit devour your hypothalamus
- 1 habenero chile, though the lowly wraith I call myself usually uses 2 jalepeños since habeneros are mostly reserved for the Elder Gods
- Hromada Hnoje[a] cilantro leaves
- Slightly fewer mint leaves
- A tweezer's grip of salt
- A glop of olive oil
Combine all ingredients into another cloudy glass receptacle. Do not use the same cloudy glass receptacle you used for the lime juice, as it is currently spiritually bereft and must rejuvenate energy from the aether throughout a period of seventeen millennia.
You won't have to ring up your clairvoyant neighbour because she'll have known since before your conception that this is the day of "combination". She'll arrive and blend the ingredients together with her immaculate platinum bladed mixing apparatus. She'll then leave without a word, never mentioning the mango you swiped from her, as she'll have known that you'd swipe it since before your conception.
Seal the cloudy glass receptacle and place it in the refrigerator for a few epochs or until chilled.
a: A bastardisation of the English term "shitload"
tzifur jenju
