I find myself in Seminole, Texas. All is peaceful. All is calm. All is tentively boring. However, I do my best to entertain myself. Amusement is, after all, the greatest reason for being alive.

My plans to visit Austin are thwarted. My parents do not wish to drive me even a meager half-way to the capital city of the state of my upbringing. I am stuck.

So I read. I listen to music. I scribble in my journal. I win $750 at the casino in Ruidoso (where I was with my parents from Sunday until yesterday). I get a haircut. I avoid the television with its contagion.

I fail to find the lyrics to Amarok’s Tierra de Especias on the internet.

Music: Elend - Wind Devouring Men

I don’t think I’ve ever tried writing whilst attempting to defecate before so I am persuing this bit of multitasking at the moment.

I had a very peculiar dream during the early hours of the morning. There was a huge multi-concert festival like something at a two level club somewhere in continental Europe and I was attending. I don’t recall who the headlining band(s) were, but some of the lesser acts were AC/DC and Harry Potter! Odd.

I was there with Natascha. Myriad other people I knew were there, as well, including old and new people in my life. Ira was there, smoking, with a group of frat-like buddies. They were in attendance for the cheese metal.

At one point, Jonatan and I were sitting either side of Natascha doing that weird humming/singing thing she and I used to perform as we walked the streets of NYC. Houmlesak was there, standing on a chair, cheering on a small local band. I head-banged with him for a moment.

The focus, was, however, Natascha. We leaned in and kissed for what seemed to be an eternity whilst everyone else watched. We held each other. She disappeared when I was examining Emma Watson’s passport. I strode around the place looking for her, finally finding her downstairs in the swimming pool.

She called me her hero.

It is the first night in Ruidoso. I am with my parents but thankfully in my own room at the hotel. Perfecktni. I awoke at 8.30 at my father’s summons and nigh an hour later we were on the road through the bleak flatness of West Texas and Eastern New Mexico to end up finally in the semi-mountainous serenity of Ruidoso.

Our first destination, of course, was Billy the Kid casino. I failed to win a single thing, and in this regard secure the beginnings of an accumulation towards Habosh’s Iriver and rent (and hopefully a bit to sustain myself on, as well). My hopes were set high, as were my insipid expectations, by last year’s winnings (squandered away during my first two months back in Praha). I was shattered.

After sitting around in the hotel room for a bit of, as my parents say, putting your feet up time, we proceeded to the Travel Center Casino. I fared somewhat better at the beginning there, playing a four wheel slot (the forth of which was a bonus spindle) of the Flaming 7 variety. I put what little I won away into my stash. I accumulated a bit more, but nothing too substantial.

Back at Billy the Kid, there was to be a drawing for perhaps $4500. That would be a mighty satisfactory sum for my stash. Of course, I did not win, nor did my father or mother. We gambled and I won $75 playing Wheel of Fortune. I lumped it with the rest in my wallet. So far, it is not thick enough, for sure.

Now I’m in the hotel room trying to decide which channel on the television (O! That dreaded object!) would entertain me most. Or I could continue solving puzzles in my Sudoku book. OR PERHAPS BOTH. YES. UM. YEAH. Fucking bad, boring, stifled writing today. I must do better.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?

I don’t remember. I was drunk.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?

Many Pilsner Urquell bottle labels.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?

Old and ugly. Fuck modern phones.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?

I only like Christmas Carols.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

8 am.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?

Laughter.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES?

A girl named Ana.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?

My feet.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?

Basil.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?

Yes. Often.

12. THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU CRY?

Zuzanka.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?

Sweat.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Untended.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?

Bratislava at Sylvestr.

16: DO YOU LIKE PORN?

Having worked in the industry, I’d say certainly not.

17. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?

Ana.

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?

Ano. Ja. Hai. Si. Oui. Da.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?

An eggplant.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?

I’ve done it, for sure.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?

Chocolate, of course.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:

Bad grammar has no excuses (except for non-english natives).

31. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?

4.

32. WHAT IS ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?

+421 0903 426 067.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?

Time.

34. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?

Yes, but very very long ago.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?

Cleaning the flat.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU GET DONE?

Nothing.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?

I gotta kill time before the plane leaves.

42. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PIZZA?

Cream, ham and mushrooms.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?

Move to a different country.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

Io.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

My grandmother’s cat was named Bob.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?

Only Polarka.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?

I don’t have fingers.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?

Saturday.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

When I am not drunk.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Utopenec.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?

BAD is a very relative word.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?

Is this a trick question?

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Certainly.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?

Secrets are for the weak.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?

Yes.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?

I don’t get angry.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?

Munich.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?

Unfortunately, yes.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?

A rubber duck named ‘Lucky’.

61. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS?

Every single one of them.

62. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL?

Is this a trick question?

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

I don’t know the meaning of the word.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?

Unfortunately.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?

Irrationality, of course.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?

Polaris. Inhortte. Voleček.

67. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Already did it.

68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOELACES BEFORE YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

I don’t believe in shoelaces.

69. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS?

Certainly.

70. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

I don’t eat ice cream.

71. What is your shoe size?

45. But I think I’ve answered this question before.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?

Black.

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?

Nada.

74. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?

Ana.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

I don’t care, actually.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

Ulver.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?

Bramborovy salat s tunakem.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

Ana.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Hands.

80. DO YOU LOVE THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS?

Yeah, though I haven’t talked to her in years.

81. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

Tired but attempting to stay awake.

82. FAVORITE DRINK?

Water.

83. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?

Not Czech “Rum”.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?

Squash.

85. HAIR COLOR?

Blondish.

86. EYE COLOR?

Blue-grey with a yellow halo.

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?

Unfortunately.

88. SIBLINGS?

Yes.

89. FAVORITE MONTH?

November.

90. FAVORITE FOOD?

Sushi.

91. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?

Tuesday.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?

Nope.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Winter.

95. HUGS OR KISSES?

Frightfully sloppy sex.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?

What’s the difference?

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Me.

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Someone who is not killing time waiting for an aeroplane.

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?

Just finished the Count of Monte Christo, but I thought it was absolute rubbish.

100. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

Mouse pads are for the weak.

1) Who is the biggest dumbass you know?

George W. Bush Jr. (Also Acy’s answer, but I can’t think of anyone who is a bigger dumbass.)

2) What is your favorite kind of cheese?

Brie.

3) What county were you born in?

Tarrant.

4) Automatic or Manual?

Manual.

5) Does tequila make your clothes fall off?

I don’t wear clothes.

6) What is the biggest piece of furniture you own?

A sofa.

7) Have you ever licked the cheese off a Dorito & not eaten it?

Absolutely not.

8) What song would you like to be listening to right now?

Архистратиг.

9) Innie or outie?

Depends on the day.

13) Are you a tactful person?

It depends on who I am with at the time. With strangers/lesser known people, yes, usually. With friends, nope.

14) Have you ever told someone they didn’t look bad when they asked when they actually did look bad?

Of course.

15) Do you question the norm?

I question conformity (just like the Aceman, again).

16) Do you like to pop other peoples zits?

Only with wire cutters.

17) Are you guilty of handing out unsolicited advice?

Yes.

18) Do you prefer to give or receive presents?

Give!

19) Have you ever ridden a horse?

Yes.

20) Do you own a deep fat fryer (like a fry-daddy)?

I do it in a big pot. Plus - the only two things I deep fry are Felafel and Stray Pets.

21) Do you like the smell of Ketchup?

Ne!

22) Have you ever regifted anyone?

I am unaware of what regifted means.

23) Have you ever smoked Pot?

Not this week, baby.

24) Are you an impulsive person?

Yes.

25) Have you ever committed a Random Act Of Kindness?

Yes.

26) How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Four, counting house slippers and sandals.

27) Do you read shampoo bottle & ect. in the shower or bathtub?

I don’t wash myself.

28) Does it bother you that someone you know, other than your family members, feel free to just walk in your house without knocking?

Nope.

29) Do you know anyone who has the uncanny ability to be able to (accurately) finish your sentences?

Nope.

30) Give me another word for penis?

Klobasa, úd, pyj, pero.

31) Give me another word for vagina?

Kunda, píča, el coño.

32) If you could own your own company or business, what kind would it be?

Cafe or pub.

33) How many pets do you have?

Three if you count my flatmate.

34) Have you ever had a “Fling”?

Yes.

35) Nachos or Pretzels (stadium kind)?

Nachos.

36) Do you think Brad & Angelina will last?

I have no clue who Brad and Angelina are.

37) Do you care?

Not at all.

38) Who makes you laugh the most?

Chris Bender.

39) Do you consider yourself a beautiful person on the inside?

I consider myself a rodent on the inside.

40) Do think Michael Jackson is a freak or just misunderstood?

I have no opinion.

41) If you could be on any reality show, which one would it be?

Sex with Sheep and Goats in the Czech Republic.

42) Do you like lightening bugs?

Insects are for the weak.

43) Have you ever had sex on a trampoline?

Yup.

44) Have you ever had to have an enema?

Yup.

45) Have you ever gotten an autograph from a professional athlete?

Nope.

46) Who is the biggest slut you know (male or female)?

Daša Čermaková.

47) When I say the word ASSWIPE, who comes to mind?

Charles Burnside.

48) Have you ever let someone have something that was very special to you because they needed it more?

Yes.

49) Can you sing well?

Only if I concentrate very hard.

50) How many time a day do you poop?

Once.

51) What is your favorite website?

http://www.google.com

52) Do you consider yourself an addict of any kind?

Yes, though Lucía strongly disagrees.

53) If your closest friend’s companion came on to you would you tell your friend?

Yup.

54) What is your favorite song to make fun of?

Anything by Divokej Bill.

55) Do you laugh alot?

No.

56) Do you cry alot?

No.

57) Have you ever saved anyone’s life?

Not directly.

58) What is your favorite thing to do to relax?

Go to the Zoo.

59) Do you ever count sheep?

No, but I shag them.

60) Did you enjoy this survey?

Sure.

I also love mangos, but not at the same time as liver paté. The good news is that Magma is playing in Praha two nights in a row (a different set each night) on 26 & 27 November. The bad news is … hm, well, there doesn’t seem to be any bad news.

A friend of mine and I were, over beers the other night, coming up with names for songs (because naturally, it is more fun to start with a title than tack it on at the end of the compositional process). Here they are:

• She’s in Zagreb - I’m here
• You Might Want to Get Out of the Building
• Gingerbread Rape Scene
• Your Slovak Bitch’s Brains are on my Boot
• Where do you Draw the Line Between Consonance and Dissonance?
• I’d Prefer Seeing the Grand Piano Burn to the Ground
• A Fugue of Screaming Babies Being Slaughtered by Handsaws
• Anything that Rots is Good Fertilizer

They were a bit more amusing when we were drunk.

Cakewalk has been giving me a tremendous headache for the past week. After I thought I had all of my problems solved with my obscure soundcard, everything came rushing back again and drowned me in a thick pool of frustration. It took a while to work myself out of the mire. I should mention that I had a bootleg version of the program and while I am not sure, that could have been one source of the problem. Anyway: yesterday I downloaded and installed this piece of software and after literally hours of fucking around with it yesterday evening and night, I got the blasted thing functional. So I have a working studio at home! Finally. Ironically, soon after setting it up with all of my audio equipment and beginning to record something (not something substantial, but just something for the reason of playing with my new software), I broke two strings on my guitar in rapid succession. I felt that mild nausea as if vomiting was in the imminent future which was the onset of another wave of frustration but succeeded in stifling it. I made a pot of genmaicha and sipped on it with my eyes closed for about ten minutes. It took about an hour to restring my guitar. I decided it was best to not just settle for a new high e and b strings, but rid the machine of the other four dull sounding old-timers. It was a cleansing experience, a bit like meditation, really. I had not re-strung a guitar in years (a mandolin, yes, but that is another story involving black magic, reality alteration and goat entrails), and forgotten how much I enjoyed the whole process.

To Tony: I gave you a project. Now it is your turn to give me one. Let’s not start with something too convoluted (please) since I am terribly out of practise.

Today I met Vesna for the first time in my life. We’d been in communication for four years and I’d almost given up on anything but sporadic email contact. A week ago, she smsed me indicating that she’d be in Prague in one week and asked me if I’d like to meet. Well, of course I replied yes. We only spent about four hours together, most of which was spent browsing the more interesting haunts of the city, but it was thoroughly refreshing. I need new blood in my life (perhaps in my veins, as well), an inspiration to write, play and sing. Though this was a relatively mundane encounter, it is a good omen for the future.

Tony states:

1. How crippled is it?

2. At least you didn’t have to restring an autoharp.

3. I could probably micturate for a full minute, given proper preparations.

4. (unavailable photo)

5. So Soulsplinter, my 5-string, has been non-signalling for the past five years or so. I thought I’d see if I could fix it (Iron Maiden lines being easier therewith due to lower action than Skullwarper’s). Note I have no knowledge of electronics (NKOE). Peered around the circuit board, found no obvious outs or wire breaks. Had brilliant idea to transplant pickups from SW to SS (note NKOE). How hard could it be to snip wires, slip in the pickups, and rethurk them (note NKOE)? Four hours on, I am currently without working low-end stringy thinghy. With solder and the ghost of Bob Moog to help me, I will attempt to get something working this weekend. Oh, also broke an A string.

6. Did you fuck her?

Me?

1. Eh?

2. At least I don’t own an autoharp. It’d be interesting to have one, however. I’ll look around in second hand places. I am sure restringing is big fun.

3. Is this my project or did you forget about that part? (Also, how is your project with the cover songs coming?

4. (nada)

5. Big fun. Electronics piss me off. I need to take my gueetar (still unnamed after all these years) to a shop because there is a short in the ‘in’ plug. I suppose I could try to fix it myself, but I don’t trust me to do such things.

6. Yes

7. I rarely eat yoghurt, anyway.

Tony states:

1. Did you shell out for the registered version? The free download looks to have annoyware.

2. is your starting project, not 3. I don’t think you could do 3. Around 140 bpm is good.

3. “I don’t trust me to do such things.” I should not have skipped that step.

4. That stuff’ll go right through you.

Tony states:

7. Oh, and don’t eat that yogurt. It’s expired.

Since I am unable to do any real work at the moment, I decided to fiddle with my Livejournal Interests for a good while. I’d say I performed a more or less 40% modification. The initial purpose was to rid the list of the more general interests and replace them with more specific ones. For example, I replaced Indian Food with Korma and Vindaloo. The purpose is to define myself in a more explicit manner. Whether I have succeeded or not, I don’t know. It was a mildly interesting amusement, however, which ate away a bit the fog of depression I wrote about earlier. So, now my view is only partly occluded.

I have been thinking to adjust my sleeping schedule. So: my plan was to stay at work all night, a good deal of tomorrow, and crawl back blearily to my flat sometime in the evening to retire. It’s three in the morning now and I don’t know if I am going to make it. Perhaps the portion of the fog eaten away by my idle pursuits on Livejournal has been replaced by exhaustion. I did get up at 16.00 this past afternoon, though, and wonder why I should be so tired after only eleven hours. Maybe all the salami and horseradish I ate earlier stole my alertness. Maybe if I snorted the horseradish, the alertness would return. I should give it a try.

Oouh.

Commentaries:

Tony:

Yeah, doing something works better than doing nothing. And a regular sleep schedule is a definite plus.

I’ve arranged two songs in two days.

Me:

I have a regular sleep schedule. It is just from about 7 or 8am to 2 or 3pm. The daylight hours are waning. I’m not totally nocturnal, so I’d better start going to sleep earlier. Yeah.

Which two have you arranged?>

Tony:

“Julia Dream” (Thu) - just a simple driving piano figure (with sustain pedal!), some backgroundy distorted guitar. Flute part at end. Intended country/western accent when sung.

“Come On Darkness” (Fri) - bass, some hand drumming, 2 dulcimer tracks playing the chords. Sang along with that CD today.

“Only the Good Die Young” (Sat) - slow down a bit & cut out some of the repetition, stun bass, organ lead (prob. 2 in stereo), vox in baritonish range. Maybe strobe light/phototheremin trick for beat. Need to finish transcribing from tab.

“A Smart Kid” I plan to be mostly if not all vocals; “Bee Dream” I haven’t thought about yet, probably incorporate violin.

As my own accompanist, and as a spare-timer, there are limits to what I can do… trying to make ’em distinctive, anyway. I think my aptitudes run producer > writer > player.

Me:

Here's my take on 'Bee Dream'...

C                     F    G
Each of us has in his soul

C                    F          G
A portion of eagle - a portion of mole

C                           F           G    (extra two beats of G)
One soars in the sunlight - one snores in a hole

C                           F    G
The mountain which looks like a prop

C                          F              G
Is black at the bottom and white at the top

C                        F     G
Soldiers surrounded with twine

C                          F             G    (two extra beats of G)
I have to cut through it and claim what is mine

Eb                    Bb
The summit is marked by a tree

Eb                Bb
My double in uniform challeges me

Ab
He says is this tree mine

G
I say tap it and see

C   F G C   F G

C                    F      G
So he drives in a platinum spout

C                             F           G    (two more beats of G)
Turns the tap on and all this jelly comes out

Eb                  Bb
Royal jelly which I stored in this tree

Eb                    Bb
In an earlier lifetime when I was a bee

Ab                 G
Yeah I'm a king bee though my wings be furled

Ab                     G
And my kingdom is not of this world

C   F G C   F G etc...

You might want to use a capo on the third fret or just transpose the whole thing to A (so the Eb becomes C), but it's up to you!

sxaxxen

Tony:

Using a capo is for the weak!

MzoNe:

So does that mean you are going to transpose it or do it in C, big britches?

Tony:

I’ll play piano & violin on it, so I’ll probably just do it in C. I’m good on the chords and structure, but could you pick out the vocal melody for me?

Depression is annoying, especially depression which seems to have no basis. It’s been creeping up on me all day (stealthily, I might say, though I could sense something growing) and has now reached a plateau. It’s hard to think. It’s hard to function. Why? What causes this? It consumes me about once weekly with varying intensities. Should I go on anti-depressants? I surely don’t want to.

Total volume of music

About 500 cds (plus another 500 in storage in Munich). On the hard drive, I have over 30 GB of stuff (mostly ripped cds, but also downloaded thinghies).

Last CD I bought

Opeth - Ghost Reveries.

Song playing right now

аквариум - сварог.

Five all-time favorite songs

(I am only listing things which would be, by most, considered songs as opposed to compositions.)

Slapp Happy - Scarred for Life

Peter Hammill - Touch and Go

аквариум - Маша и Медвед

The Church - The Time Being

Camper Van Beethoven - All Her Favourite Fruit

Five songs I’ve played to death lately

Opeth - Windowpane

Robert Wyatt - The Forest

Slapp Happy - A Little Something

Hamster Theatre - Vermilion Hue Over Lake Lausanne

Neil Young - Pocahontas

Five songs that mean a lot to me (besides the five all-time favorite ones)

(So favourites 6 - 10, eh?)

Porcupine Tree - Shesmovedon

Už Jsme Doma - Ticho

Sir Alfred IV and the Poison Nectar Group - A Melancholy Opulence

King Crimson - Starless

Lou Reed - Warrior King

a reply from? Patricia? Dana? Probably the former.

it is a pitty i can not listen those cds anymore, but i still remember them… King Crimson mainly (…tomorrow i will be crying…) and maja a medved…