Well, it is interesting to find that Jayson has joined LiveJournal (a perfectly booming population) and added me to his frineds. I thought for sure that my American compadres had abandoned me forever. Or maybe I reacted overly much perchance because of the extreme ideas that Loyal and Suzie portray. I don't know. The contrast is that people here are much less judgemental. It is nice to be around people who accept you for who you are no matter what. I could stay at Rostej's flat forever, drink myself blind e...
I cooked Tortilla con Patatas this noon between talks to my, i suppose, ex-love. She told me she'd call in 1 1/2 or 2 hours and I took a walk, came back, was hungry, was lonely, was despondent. So I created the tortilla. I made a fucking mess in Suzie and Loyal's kitchen. The tortillia was mediocre. Like me. Today was the last day I will talk to Jana. She leaves to England in less than 6 hours. Our discussion today was among the most sexual and most relentlessly depairing. Details would be painful. Would yo...
tigresa should thank nedbathlus for her opportunity to become a livejournal member or I shall personally skin and bone her, or, with the correct implements, create sausage from her. I am very fond of sausage. *Susie -* > Thank you very much nedbalthus, for being so kind as to allow me access to > romp here! It is much appreciated. I shall endeavor one day to return the > favor. > As for Bob, feel the bite of stiletto! ...
Absurdly, as usual, I have chanced upon a possible conclusion as to why I was so attracted to Jana at first. (You must remember that this was 1 1/2 years ago.) Possibly one factor was because she was such an untalented smoker. Just like Vesna. Even Vesna's sister commented over and over again that Vesna had no style whilst smoking. Her cigarette hung clumsily in her fingers and her wrist tilted at awkward angles. When I first met Jana, in that pub with a name I cannot recall, when I ordered Lucky Strikes Li...
I have an extremely difficult time motivating myself to write these days. What do you think it is? Atrophy of the brain? Boredom with life? Resignment? Leprosy? I cooked Tom Kha Gai this evening for Loyal and Zuzicka. It was most enjoyable -- especially the response received. At least I can pursuade myself that I am well versed in one non-trivial pursuit. Otherwise, the day went un-splendidly. I suppose I was mostly recovering from yesterday's attack of hypoglycemia. It was absolutely cruel. I was shaking ...
Suzie and Loyal chat about things I cannot discern in their bedroom and I am finally alone in my bedroom (their living room). The couch on which I sit shall serve as my sleeping place in a few weary hours. Somewhere in the flat, there is the soft padding of their cat and Slapp Happy grates away through the air reminding me painfully of Jana. Sometime during the next week my fate should, if all goes well, be sealed for some months. I shall empty by brain into the workplace which is also Loyal's own upon each...
nechtel bych hajzl. ne ne ne. i lost my darlinka last night and i feel like being somewhere between contrite and violent. listening to psi vojaci does not help. does this help? i think i shall have another cigarette. dying young will solve all of my problems. jsem 32. je mladej? i want to know the answer to this question. ...
And what? I am subdued and cloistered in California at the moment. I wonder about my future here and my ACTUAL future with Jana in Prague. My friends have retreated to the gym as I scratch and flail about their flat with no clear intention. Nothing comes to mind. Nothing creative. I am as dead in California as I was in bleak Fort Stockton. ...
Constant solitude leads to perpetual grief. Sick! Sick! Sick! Blades tear at me and I dream of shaving my body-hair, and its whiskering remains. I shall dye the embryo of my child a light blue and scream that the life I left was unformatted and unfair. Drowning in books is dying in escape while the prod of life unseats those unsober. I shall die a sad, unlonely man, a stricken man. ...
It was perhaps the most depressing Xmas of my life. Ufff... Now, at least being somewhere which allows me to access internet makes it 'un poco suave' in a manner, loosens my fingers and unfreezes my mind. The bleakness here is almost unbearable, and were I not less drunk, I would describe it in a marbleizing manner. The conversation I had with the only human in this wilderness that I remotely care about cerca two days prior revealed the same sentiments as I have. A prolonged visit here would result in suici...
I took a ride with Amy last night. Amy is my cousin. 10 years my superior. We paused for a delicious meal in Arlington (Indian). Our conversation centered around something I have rarely discussed with anyone in my lifetime - that is, our relationship with our parents. And especially the rodina of my father and her mother. I will begin with an instance she explained to me concerning a great uncle by the name of Lynn who used to live in Walla Walla Washington (or so I am told). It shocked me. Lynn was my fat...
