Xmas day boredom and Solnitchka inspired this.

1. I am sterile.

2. I have a child that I have never met.

3. I like wearing non-matching socks.

4. I worked in the porn business.

5. I don’t like porn at all.

6. Genmaicha tea is my favourite drink.

7. Very strong English (especially American) accents annoy me.

8. I was baptised twice.

9. I am an atheist.

10. Capitalism disgusts me.

11. The only things I like to do on a beach are smoke, drink wine and be introspective.

12. I try to never order the same thing twice in a row at a restaurant.

13. In general, I like cooking better than I like socializing.

14. Hashish floats my boat.

15. My birthday is the day after the birthday of a girl I was obsessed with.

16. I don’t become obsessed with girls any longer (though I often used to). In fact, I am much less romantic and much more jaded and cynical than in my “younger” years.

17. The only things I am materialistic about are my journals, some books, and objects concerned with music. Everything else is disposable/replaceable.

18. I worked at Microsoft.

19. I attempt to avoid Microsoft products.

20. My favourite programming language is Lisp.

21. 75% of the projects I begin are never completed.

22. Changes (even small, seemingly superficial ones) in my lifestyle invigorate me.

23. I like black metal.

24. I once thought I had genital herpes, but I was mistaken.

25. I bite my fingernails.

26. One of my favourite books is The Unconsoled by Kazuo Ishiguro.

27. One of my favourite films is Los Lunes al Sol by Fernando León de Aranoa.

28. The only thing I am truly afraid of is mortality (see #38).

29. I dismiss native English speakers who regularly confuse their, they’re and there as a waste of sentience. I realise that this is a bad thing.

30. I had my first real girlfriend when I was 22. She was 14.

31. I can touch-type using both the qwerty and Dvořák keyboard layouts.

32. Unless I am drunk, I am extremely reserved in a crowd of people I do not know well.

33. I prefer the timbre of woodwinds to brass.

34. When I was a child, I collected packs of gum with one stick left in them.

35. My preference is to send an sms as opposed to calling.

36. I do my best work after 8pm.

37. I am not a technophile.

38. I am not quite claustrophobic, but close.

39. I have mild tinnitus.

40. I believe that trying to change someone’s behaviour or attitudes in the context of a friendship or relationship is ultimately futile and destructive.

41. Autumn is my favourite season.

42. I tend to flush the toilet before I am completely finished urinating.

43. I enjoy gambling.

44. I have always wanted to own a boat and live on it.

45. I do not drink coffee.

46. Once I felt that lyrics were very vital to my enjoyment of music. Now, except for a few exceptions, I don’t bother myself with them much.

47. I am obsessive about showering every day.

48. I am turned off by cultural pigeonholes.

49. Ingrained traditions bother me.

50. I’d rather eat broccoli florets than potato (or corn) chips.

51. I was only a futbol (soccer) fan once – June 2004 in Portugal. Other than that, I have never followed team sports.

52. Sports I do enjoy include biking, hiking and jogging.

53. People who attempt to push their own ideals, philosophies and/or habits (whether they consider them religious, common sensical, moral or otherwise) onto others annoy me.

54. I am a city boy.

55. One of my ex-girlfriends broke my nose.

56. Another one broke my heart.

57. I have often considered joining a monastery.

58. Once, while I was under the influence of an excess of marijuana (and consequently paranoia), I had to tie myself to my bed to keep from jumping from the window.

59. I shagged a prostitute (actually several).

60. In the past, my online journal (primarily one which was sadly lost due to a harddisk crash) angered or alienated several people (women).

61. I was stranded in Alice Springs, Australia for three days with a crazy person.

62. I had my head shaved in Vienna.

63. I bribed a cop.

64. I prefer command line to point and click.

65. My favourite fruits are avacados and olives.

66. My body reacts badly to intense heat.

67. I do math problems for fun.

68. My favourite card game is Cribbage.

69. I never want to live in the United States again in my life.

70. I rode a bus from Muenchen to Bucuresti. It was completely full. I was the only one on board who was not Romanian. It took 39 hours.

71. I spent the night in a parking garage in Anchorage, Alaska.

72. I’ve gone five days without eating.

73. I like quite a bit of music which makes most other people leave the room.

74. I am also a fan of Balkan and Russian folk music.

75. I travel long distances often just to see concerts.

76. I do not own a television, a car, or a microwave.

77. I was arrested for disembarking from a plane in Newark, New Jersey drunk out of my mind.

78. I also spent the night in jail in Houston, Texas.

79. I spent two nights inside the Vienna aeroport.

80. I ordered a double vodka during a job interview, drank it and still got the job.

81. I played accordian and wine glasses filled with various amounts of water at an avant-garde performance in Prague.

82. My love of adjectives has declined over the years.

83. My feelings about puns has stayed about the same.

84. I don’t answer questions that I perceive as rhetorical.

85. I listen now to almost no music that I did when I was in high school and university.

86. I often have dreams which are set in the town in which I grew up.

87. I tend to write music which is too complicated for me to easily play.

88. Dagmar Krause is my favourite female singer. Robert Wyatt is my favourite male singer. These are subject to change on a daily or even hourly basis.

89. I don’t dance.

90. I write beautiful melodies.

91. I’ve lived in 13 different places in Prague and seven in Munich.

92. When the time comes for me to snuff it, I’d like to know that I am dying.

93. I give money to homeless people.

94. At times I am exceedingly irreverent.

95. I like to not know where I shall sleep tomorrow.

96. I enjoy going to playgrounds and swinging.

97. I don’t normally eat sweets.

98. Routine drains my energy.

99. I believe that the struggle against the fleeting nature of existence and the piecing together of moments in hindsight keeps us sane.

100. I am an optimist.

Music: Daniel Lanois

I have drunk so much green tea that I doubt very seriously if I could sleep even if I wished to do so.

Things progress slowly in this lazy land. The days ooze lethargically from morning to night. They seem to echo each other, yet time still drags. Today was punctuated with one oddity. And a disturbing oddity it was. My parents took me out to the local cemetery to show me where my grandparents on my father’s side are buried. Surely I have been there before, but the wash of bleakness the graveyard presented piqued no recognition. There was a nagging similarity, however, to the one in Pecos in which a certain Lee Tarver rots. They then proceeded to show me the four empty plots they owned. Two for them. I suppose the other two are for myself and for my brother. That was never explicitly stated.

It is wasting to be surrounded by old age and obvious mortality for stretches of time. Their aches and their peers’ pains are often the focal point of discussion. Repeated discussion. As much as I love my parents, Thursday will not come too soon.

I have drunk so much green tea that I doubt very seriously if I could sleep even if I wished to do so.

Things progress slowly in this lazy land. The days ooze lethargically from morning to night. They seem to echo each other, yet time still drags. Today was punctuated with one oddity. And a disturbing oddity it was. My parents took me out to the local cemetery to show me where my grandparents on my father’s side are buried. Surely I have been there before, but the wash of bleakness the graveyard presented piqued no recognition. There was a nagging similarity, however, to the one in Pecos in which a certain Lee Tarver rots. They then proceeded to show me the four empty plots they owned. Two for them. I suppose the other two are for myself and for my brother. That was never explicitly stated.

It is wasting to be surrounded by old age and obvious mortality for stretches of time. Their aches and their peers’ pains are often the focal point of discussion. Repeated discussion. As much as I love my parents, Thursday will not come too soon.

The early bird catches the worm is a phrase which was concocted by people who wished for those who chronically sleep late to feel inferior.

Music: Richard Buckner & Jon Langford

I find myself in Seminole, Texas. All is peaceful. All is calm. All is tentively boring. However, I do my best to entertain myself. Amusement is, after all, the greatest reason for being alive.

My plans to visit Austin are thwarted. My parents do not wish to drive me even a meager half-way to the capital city of the state of my upbringing. I am stuck.

So I read. I listen to music. I scribble in my journal. I win $750 at the casino in Ruidoso (where I was with my parents from Sunday until yesterday). I get a haircut. I avoid the television with its contagion.

I fail to find the lyrics to Amarok’s Tierra de Especias on the internet.

Music: Elend - Wind Devouring Men

I don’t think I’ve ever tried writing whilst attempting to defecate before so I am persuing this bit of multitasking at the moment.

I had a very peculiar dream during the early hours of the morning. There was a huge multi-concert festival like something at a two level club somewhere in continental Europe and I was attending. I don’t recall who the headlining band(s) were, but some of the lesser acts were AC/DC and Harry Potter! Odd.

I was there with Natascha. Myriad other people I knew were there, as well, including old and new people in my life. Ira was there, smoking, with a group of frat-like buddies. They were in attendance for the cheese metal.

At one point, Jonatan and I were sitting either side of Natascha doing that weird humming/singing thing she and I used to perform as we walked the streets of NYC. Houmlesak was there, standing on a chair, cheering on a small local band. I head-banged with him for a moment.

The focus, was, however, Natascha. We leaned in and kissed for what seemed to be an eternity whilst everyone else watched. We held each other. She disappeared when I was examining Emma Watson’s passport. I strode around the place looking for her, finally finding her downstairs in the swimming pool.

She called me her hero.

It is the first night in Ruidoso. I am with my parents but thankfully in my own room at the hotel. Perfecktni. I awoke at 8.30 at my father’s summons and nigh an hour later we were on the road through the bleak flatness of West Texas and Eastern New Mexico to end up finally in the semi-mountainous serenity of Ruidoso.

Our first destination, of course, was Billy the Kid casino. I failed to win a single thing, and in this regard secure the beginnings of an accumulation towards Habosh’s Iriver and rent (and hopefully a bit to sustain myself on, as well). My hopes were set high, as were my insipid expectations, by last year’s winnings (squandered away during my first two months back in Praha). I was shattered.

After sitting around in the hotel room for a bit of, as my parents say, putting your feet up time, we proceeded to the Travel Center Casino. I fared somewhat better at the beginning there, playing a four wheel slot (the forth of which was a bonus spindle) of the Flaming 7 variety. I put what little I won away into my stash. I accumulated a bit more, but nothing too substantial.

Back at Billy the Kid, there was to be a drawing for perhaps $4500. That would be a mighty satisfactory sum for my stash. Of course, I did not win, nor did my father or mother. We gambled and I won $75 playing Wheel of Fortune. I lumped it with the rest in my wallet. So far, it is not thick enough, for sure.

Now I’m in the hotel room trying to decide which channel on the television (O! That dreaded object!) would entertain me most. Or I could continue solving puzzles in my Sudoku book. OR PERHAPS BOTH. YES. UM. YEAH. Fucking bad, boring, stifled writing today. I must do better.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?

I don’t remember. I was drunk.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?

Many Pilsner Urquell bottle labels.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?

Old and ugly. Fuck modern phones.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?

I only like Christmas Carols.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

8 am.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?

Laughter.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES?

A girl named Ana.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?

My feet.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?

Basil.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?

Yes. Often.

12. THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU CRY?

Zuzanka.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?

Sweat.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Untended.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?

Bratislava at Sylvestr.

16: DO YOU LIKE PORN?

Having worked in the industry, I’d say certainly not.

17. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?

Ana.

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?

Ano. Ja. Hai. Si. Oui. Da.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?

An eggplant.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?

I’ve done it, for sure.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?

Chocolate, of course.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:

Bad grammar has no excuses (except for non-english natives).

31. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?

4.

32. WHAT IS ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?

+421 0903 426 067.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?

Time.

34. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?

Yes, but very very long ago.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?

Cleaning the flat.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU GET DONE?

Nothing.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?

I gotta kill time before the plane leaves.

42. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PIZZA?

Cream, ham and mushrooms.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?

Move to a different country.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

Io.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

My grandmother’s cat was named Bob.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?

Only Polarka.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?

I don’t have fingers.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?

Saturday.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

When I am not drunk.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Utopenec.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?

BAD is a very relative word.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?

Is this a trick question?

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Certainly.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?

Secrets are for the weak.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?

Yes.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?

I don’t get angry.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?

Munich.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?

Unfortunately, yes.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?

A rubber duck named ‘Lucky’.

61. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS?

Every single one of them.

62. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL?

Is this a trick question?

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

I don’t know the meaning of the word.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?

Unfortunately.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?

Irrationality, of course.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?

Polaris. Inhortte. Voleček.

67. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Already did it.

68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOELACES BEFORE YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

I don’t believe in shoelaces.

69. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS?

Certainly.

70. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

I don’t eat ice cream.

71. What is your shoe size?

45. But I think I’ve answered this question before.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?

Black.

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?

Nada.

74. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?

Ana.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

I don’t care, actually.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

Ulver.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?

Bramborovy salat s tunakem.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

Ana.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Hands.

80. DO YOU LOVE THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS?

Yeah, though I haven’t talked to her in years.

81. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

Tired but attempting to stay awake.

82. FAVORITE DRINK?

Water.

83. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?

Not Czech “Rum”.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?

Squash.

85. HAIR COLOR?

Blondish.

86. EYE COLOR?

Blue-grey with a yellow halo.

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?

Unfortunately.

88. SIBLINGS?

Yes.

89. FAVORITE MONTH?

November.

90. FAVORITE FOOD?

Sushi.

91. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?

Tuesday.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?

Nope.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Winter.

95. HUGS OR KISSES?

Frightfully sloppy sex.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?

What’s the difference?

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Me.

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Someone who is not killing time waiting for an aeroplane.

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?

Just finished the Count of Monte Christo, but I thought it was absolute rubbish.

100. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

Mouse pads are for the weak.

1) Who is the biggest dumbass you know?

George W. Bush Jr. (Also Acy’s answer, but I can’t think of anyone who is a bigger dumbass.)

2) What is your favorite kind of cheese?

Brie.

3) What county were you born in?

Tarrant.

4) Automatic or Manual?

Manual.

5) Does tequila make your clothes fall off?

I don’t wear clothes.

6) What is the biggest piece of furniture you own?

A sofa.

7) Have you ever licked the cheese off a Dorito & not eaten it?

Absolutely not.

8) What song would you like to be listening to right now?

Архистратиг.

9) Innie or outie?

Depends on the day.

13) Are you a tactful person?

It depends on who I am with at the time. With strangers/lesser known people, yes, usually. With friends, nope.

14) Have you ever told someone they didn’t look bad when they asked when they actually did look bad?

Of course.

15) Do you question the norm?

I question conformity (just like the Aceman, again).

16) Do you like to pop other peoples zits?

Only with wire cutters.

17) Are you guilty of handing out unsolicited advice?

Yes.

18) Do you prefer to give or receive presents?

Give!

19) Have you ever ridden a horse?

Yes.

20) Do you own a deep fat fryer (like a fry-daddy)?

I do it in a big pot. Plus - the only two things I deep fry are Felafel and Stray Pets.

21) Do you like the smell of Ketchup?

Ne!

22) Have you ever regifted anyone?

I am unaware of what regifted means.

23) Have you ever smoked Pot?

Not this week, baby.

24) Are you an impulsive person?

Yes.

25) Have you ever committed a Random Act Of Kindness?

Yes.

26) How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Four, counting house slippers and sandals.

27) Do you read shampoo bottle & ect. in the shower or bathtub?

I don’t wash myself.

28) Does it bother you that someone you know, other than your family members, feel free to just walk in your house without knocking?

Nope.

29) Do you know anyone who has the uncanny ability to be able to (accurately) finish your sentences?

Nope.

30) Give me another word for penis?

Klobasa, úd, pyj, pero.

31) Give me another word for vagina?

Kunda, píča, el coño.

32) If you could own your own company or business, what kind would it be?

Cafe or pub.

33) How many pets do you have?

Three if you count my flatmate.

34) Have you ever had a “Fling”?

Yes.

35) Nachos or Pretzels (stadium kind)?

Nachos.

36) Do you think Brad & Angelina will last?

I have no clue who Brad and Angelina are.

37) Do you care?

Not at all.

38) Who makes you laugh the most?

Chris Bender.

39) Do you consider yourself a beautiful person on the inside?

I consider myself a rodent on the inside.

40) Do think Michael Jackson is a freak or just misunderstood?

I have no opinion.

41) If you could be on any reality show, which one would it be?

Sex with Sheep and Goats in the Czech Republic.

42) Do you like lightening bugs?

Insects are for the weak.

43) Have you ever had sex on a trampoline?

Yup.

44) Have you ever had to have an enema?

Yup.

45) Have you ever gotten an autograph from a professional athlete?

Nope.

46) Who is the biggest slut you know (male or female)?

Daša Čermaková.

47) When I say the word ASSWIPE, who comes to mind?

Charles Burnside.

48) Have you ever let someone have something that was very special to you because they needed it more?

Yes.

49) Can you sing well?

Only if I concentrate very hard.

50) How many time a day do you poop?

Once.

51) What is your favorite website?

http://www.google.com

52) Do you consider yourself an addict of any kind?

Yes, though Lucía strongly disagrees.

53) If your closest friend’s companion came on to you would you tell your friend?

Yup.

54) What is your favorite song to make fun of?

Anything by Divokej Bill.

55) Do you laugh alot?

No.

56) Do you cry alot?

No.

57) Have you ever saved anyone’s life?

Not directly.

58) What is your favorite thing to do to relax?

Go to the Zoo.

59) Do you ever count sheep?

No, but I shag them.

60) Did you enjoy this survey?

Sure.

I also love mangos, but not at the same time as liver paté. The good news is that Magma is playing in Praha two nights in a row (a different set each night) on 26 & 27 November. The bad news is … hm, well, there doesn’t seem to be any bad news.

A friend of mine and I were, over beers the other night, coming up with names for songs (because naturally, it is more fun to start with a title than tack it on at the end of the compositional process). Here they are:

• She’s in Zagreb - I’m here
• You Might Want to Get Out of the Building
• Gingerbread Rape Scene
• Your Slovak Bitch’s Brains are on my Boot
• Where do you Draw the Line Between Consonance and Dissonance?
• I’d Prefer Seeing the Grand Piano Burn to the Ground
• A Fugue of Screaming Babies Being Slaughtered by Handsaws
• Anything that Rots is Good Fertilizer

They were a bit more amusing when we were drunk.