Damn formatting. Ah well. Tomorrow morning I should finish finally the govno which must be done to achieve a state of employment again. I should be worried silly about money, but I am not in the least. The problem floats by like flotsam as I walk barefoot on the beach, enjoying the sensation of each step on the sand. Speaking of stepping, I have been trying to apply ideas (twisted in my own manner, of course) from Boris' book on Buddhism (specifically on meditation) to my everyday life. Meditation whilst i...
(defun permute (govno) (cond ((null govno) '(())) (t (mapcan #'(lambda (element) (mapcar #'(lambda (perm) (cons element perm)) (permute (remove* element govno :count 1 :test #'eq)))) govno)))...
So I have just spent an hour updating my livejournal "interests". A few surprising notes: I found another Magma fan, a Henry Cow fan, and a few other fractional siblings in thought. It is just simply amazing the kind of people you can find when you have a site available to the diversity offered on the internet. One thing I did notice, however, and which disappointed me, is that very few journals I perused were written by non-USA-type-people (only one, in fact). Still no work on "Stone Calendar". I shall so...
Whoopie! Today I finalized my residence and work permit in the nefarious, humid, crowded Kreisverwaltungsreferat. Say that 26 times quickly. Fucksheep seems to be down. No idea why. The weekend was filled with pattern matching code which flowed from my fingers and into Emacs flawlessly (well, actually with a few flaws, but they can be overlooked). But, unfortunately, I did not even as much as touch my guitar. Can I will myself to remedy this today? As in the past, the onslaught of encroaching summer hate (...
Heat. A breeze would be nice, but this stifling computer lab, windows though it has open, offers not even a hint of one. Bells play about my aural sphere, emanating from somewhere other than this room (although sweltering they may be, as well). Ah, the mediaeval postures of a modern city. I began a book on buddhism. I am taken back to my days in Clear Lake, alone in my commodious dwelling, poised in meditation, and oddly satisfied. Prolly just nostalgia. Boris gave the tome to Vesna. She might well benefi...
What would mother say if I joined a monastery? Father would be peeved. Escape from the toils reeking of penitence into routinized bliss. What a grey future I see. But I have said that hundreds of times and Sweet Entropy has come to the rescue. I await her again. ...
I cannot believe the govno people write in this forum. bleh. > Tony replies: Someone has to. ...
I think today is February 3. I will never send this letter to Dana. It would be abortive - futile venture. In another key, another motif, the advantage to being alone is that I can stay out as late as I wish, get as drunk as I want, etc, and there is no one at home waiting to complain. If the reader now makes the assumption that I *AM* alone, he / she would be incorrect. There days ago, or so, Vesna and I moved into a flat rather near the dreaded ex-workplace -> *1 2 Snap*. I now sit in a pub 100m from tha...
There I am on a train again, spinning away from you. The pain is intense, maybe akin to what you feel -- distraught, lost. I have made a number of relatively terrible mistakes in my life, but I must admit that leaving you has to be the worst. Now I expect you'll change your phone number, your emails, perhaps even your name to cut me from your life. I wonder if you can forgive this stupidity of mine. I reread your *I Love You* note that is warmly nestled in my pocket and much to my chagrin, I could not help...
Displacement is unforgiveable. All I can think about is the distance from my love, the lies I tell to make my isolation greater, and a growing emptiness engulfing me. If I lose Vesna, which is a possibility, I think I'll become a hermit. She told me herself that she feels she could never love again -- ie, if we split up, she could never be with anyone else. She feels like loving solitude, much like me. This similarity, along with so many others I have with her, is staggeringly dumbfounding. Sad, stupid co...
Neglectful Bob, it seems. Much time has passed 'tween the last and this entry in my journal. I am at [Cafefour](https://www.google.com/maps/preview/place/Soukenick%C3%A1+1084%2F2,+110+00+Praha,+Czech+Republic/@50.0907068,14.4281256,19z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m2!3m1!1s0x470b94c1d5ab4b49:0x9c0d2ffe4a1cb10c) in Prague: that place next to the dreaded *Pivrnec* near Náměstí Republiky and a former place of employment dubbed *EIN*. #### Earnest Intellectual Naivete. Two kurvy have seated themselves facing me, babbling i...
